It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
