thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
