you guys were way drunker than both of me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
