Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
