i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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