I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Be still, my beating vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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