New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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