Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
