carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
