I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
