Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
