I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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