i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
