i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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