This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
