I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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