I'm going to jail i love you
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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