I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
