i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
