then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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