Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
