he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
