His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
