the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
