If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
