My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize