he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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