Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
