could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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