im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My apartment stinks of burning failure
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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