I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
where are my eyebrows?
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