Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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