you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
