I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
