What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
