I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
