good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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