So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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