Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
