This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
