One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
