She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize