1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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