I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize