I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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