Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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