I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Vodka?
Forever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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