I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
