I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
