Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
