like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
