there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize