I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Life is so much better after having sex.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
