I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
