He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
