Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
