Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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