i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
