tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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