I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
