the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
