i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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