Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
