Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
