You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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