I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize