I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We left the knife in your bed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
