Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
