Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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