I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
