yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize