i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
