I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
